We drank beer on this spot when nelly and kelly were hot. No matter what I do all I think about is you. Dang it, as my 11 year old student likes to say, it’s been a f**k*ng decade and it’s still you.
To be strict about it, it will only have been 2 years come 27th of may that you abandoned me I n all totality.
My life has taken a different, vibrant turn now, and still, undeserving as you may be, I long for you, our friendship and your company.
And this yearning has disgusted me so that I decided to vent to am old friend.
She was the first person i’d confessed to about my first one night love affair some 20 years ago. We were college chums and I liked her guilelessness.
10 years after that, in 2003 she went out with my “dang it” student’s uncle… your cousin by affinity.
While I basked in the newness of our secret love, I was comforted by the thought that I’d have an ally in our future circle, my college chum.
Except that their long distance love affair didn’t last long. After their last I love you over the telephone, she never heard from him again.
2013 here I am. I call her up after 2 decades since our last tete-a-tete. I stutter the reason for my call. Until I connect dang it uncle and your respective betrayals and abandonment.
7 years she was in my state, she confessed. 7 years of living in her head, deluding herself that maybe he’d come home to the tropics and surprise her. Yes that was the way of it. One traitor many possibilities; proofs of true love, heart and mind’s dearest wish of the one betrayed.
And just when she’d snapped out of it, she realized (or thought) she was too old.
How timely, she said, I was thinking of that asshole and how i’d wasted the best years of my looks on pining for that traitor.
She never called him. I never did either. Well at least not after you ignored my lenghy email. But i did hold on to The last bastion and vine of dignity left in an honest woman’s tattered heart. Like my friend, I held the urge to call.
We laughed at how two decades seemed like a weekend away from the university stonework benches. And there we were back again, hush hushing about how our paths have crossed again.
Beyond the static longing, after that conversation, I was relieved. Consoled.
And just like turning a leaf, a new chapter, you send me an email the length of a telegram.
“Hi…how are you? I just need to let u know that I didn’t forget about you…no matter what Kai….your still in my mind..”
Seriously, at this moment and after all this time?